June 2011
So I was thinking
about how even though I love my hair, it would look super gawfick and hot to dye it. And get a back tattoo. And piercings. Because I do enjoy looking plain old scary a lot. And then I was looking through the “goth” tag and two pics came up that I will now reblog that were fortuitously placed to encourage me to stay natural.
There's this amazing pic of me...
…from Pride, when I stripped down to a bustier and a see-through thong, hair flying, walking down the street in front of 500,000 people. I’m trying my best not to syndicate it, because maybe one day I will need a job that doesn’t know that women have boobs or something? But it felt amazing, and was a big moment for me, in terms of coming to terms with my appearance. And in this picture, I am SOOO happy, even though my thighs are larger than some people’s and I have cellulite and stretchmarks….I’m happy, so it doesn’t matter.
Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, or I touch my stomach, or my face and I feel like I must be monstrous or deformed or some kind of freak. I’ll be in the street and feel like everyone is staring at me because I’m obviously hideous to the point of deformed. I get paranoid and panicked. If I’m at home, I’ll hide under the covers, withdraw, and avoid thinking about myself or my life at all costs. I made this tumblr specifically to combat that, so that I can look at a record of myself and say, “Look. It’s just a normal girl. Not monster. Calm down.” And it’s helped a lot, actually. But this picture of me - I’m just so happy about my body! Or at least I don’t care. It’s wonderful.
